Hey guys! Welcome back. For a long time I have gone back and forth on whether I wanted to write about this or not. But one thing I always try to do is be as authentic as possible for you guys. So I decided to take you a bit deeper into my world and into some of the more toxic relationships I have had in my life. I have had more than my fair share and in 2019 I have decided to let them go. I will be leaving out most of the more personal details just to stay safe, but I will be letting you guys into what I have to say to these people and relationships and hopefully inspire you to let go of your own toxicity in your life. I know this is never an easy thing for anyone, but I also know it is necessary for living a happy and healthy life. No one has control over who is toxic and who isn’t, but we can control how long we allow them to stay in our lives.
One question I find myself asking a lot is “why?”. Why do I let these people stay in my life? Why do I let them have so much of a voice? Why do I hold on? To be quite frank, there are several reasons why I hold on so much and why I give these people so much authority over me. But the biggest reason is that I am afraid. You see, I have let these people have so much control that the thought of having control of myself is kind of frightening. If someone else has control and messes up, it’s their fault. But if I take control, it’s all on me. And I strive for perfection so much that failing is usually not an option for me. At least, that’s the way I see it.
I always like to think that I have what it takes to mend people, but I don’t. I can’t even mend myself. It took many people many years to even begin to put my pieces back together. And the reason I’m not much closer to being whole again is because I keep allowing people to tear those pieces back down. But in 2019 I finally get to move on. I am moving to a knew city in a new state where next to no one knows me. I get to meet all new people, which is also scary, but at the same time I will get to start brand new relationships. No one can be toxic there unless I let them. Here, the damage is done. There, I have more control.
There have been family members, friends, significant others that have been toxic. All people I don’t care to mention by name, but people nonetheless. People I deserve more from that choose instead to hurt me. To those people, I am letting go. By the end of 2019 I will be nothing more to you than a memory. We probably won’t see much of one another any more and I am excited by that fact. I am no longer afraid to take control of my life and start my journey somewhere else. I can’t control everything that happens to me, but I know if I don’t move somewhere else, I will never get anywhere in life.
So I am moving on. I’m letting go. I am giving myself a fresh start and I am excited by what is coming in the future. I have had a number of toxic relationships, and there is no guarantee that I won’t have any in the future. But I can’t remain in the toxic relationships I am in now. I must move on and pave a better life for myself. I choose happiness.
I know I will make some mistakes down the road. I know it won’t always be perfect. But I will be happy. And to me, that is the most important thing. I need to feel safe and comfortable above all else. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but I am excited to continue on this journey and find out. So to all the people who have hurt me, thank you. For without you, I would not be heading down the direction that I am.
I am letting go of all the people who have hurt me or are hurting me. It’s time for me to choose myself. The people who are good, they will remain in my life. But to those who choose only bad, I am letting you go. You don’t deserve me and I don’t deserve you. Thank you for providing the motivation I needed to get out, but now I have no need for you. I am moving on to bigger and better things.
Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope this motivates or inspires you in some way. Please like this if it did. Don’t forget to follow before you leave if you have not already and I hope to see you next time!