My Abuse Was Not My Fault

To The Person Who Messaged Me Saying My Abuse Was My Fault,

This is for the person who decided it would be a good idea to message me on Instagram telling me that the abuse that I dealt with was my fault. That was not okay, it’s still not okay, and it will never be okay. This is also for anyone else who might in the future want to say something even remotely similar to this. It’s never okay to say something like this to someone.

For a long time I did blame myself. I was convinced that it was in some way my own fault. I thought I deserved all the insults, harsh words, the bruises, the sleepless nights, and so much more. I struggled with the image of myself because I was sure that there was something wrong with me because I had been told that for a really long time.

So I’m no stranger to the things that this person decided to send in a message to me. I’m no stranger to the negativity that was brought to me. The only difference is I would never think to say these things to another person. For years I tried to justify the things that were happening to me. I thought I was paying for something in some way. However, as time went on I began to realize that what I was going through wasn’t my fault. I began to realize that the things that were happening to me weren’t normal.

So to say that I should have known better or that I should have just fought back is crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed. To say that I deserved anything that happened that you don’t actually know about is taking it a step too far. To say that I was just stupid and just kept letting it happen is something that should never be said to anyone.

I don’t get many messages that are not kind or that I feel the need to address so publicly. However, this is one that I could not just set aside and forget about. It needed to be addressed and I needed to do it now. It’s not okay to say that someone deserves something like this to happen because they didn’t leave. It’s not okay to call someone stupid for “letting it happen”. These are not things that you have the authority to say, especially to someone that you don’t actually know because at the end of the day that’s not up to you to decide.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s not worth your time because it will just get deleted and you will be blocked. I don’t share these parts of my life for people to be rude. I share it in hopes that it will help someone. So if you are not contributing to the conversation in a positive way, don’t contribute at all because your negativity is not welcome here.

Thank you.

9 thoughts on “My Abuse Was Not My Fault

  1. Thank you. Thank you so much for writing this. People often have this misconception that you could’ve prevented it in anyway. Abusers and rapers don’t need a reason. They just do what they do

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How dare someone comment in that way! Surely, if someone writes about their experience of something negative that has happened to them – a) they are being brave and b) they want to help others know they are not alone!
    Don’t let that person get you down. Keep smiling (and posting) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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