Life Through My Eyes #3: I’m Terrified Because I Care

Hey guys! Welcome back. We are back with the third post in my series “Life Through My Eyes” where I take you on a journey to various aspects of my life and who I am. This is a way for me to share my story and allow you to get to know me better. Today we are diving deep into a subject that is really close to me. It may come as no surprise to many of you, but I am no social butterfly. I am very much a shy and more reserved person. A lot of that has to do with the fear and anxiety that I feel when it comes to being around other people. So today I wanted to dive deeper into that topic and share a little bit about what that stems from.

But before we do that, if you can relate to this topic in any way, please let us know in the comments. I would love to know who is with me on this level. Also, if any of this resonates with you and anything I say here today speaks with you, let us know in the comments. I think it’s really great to feel like you aren’t alone in your struggles or the things you deal with, so let’s start that conversation in the comments. And as we go through this and I share my story, I hope you will also be inspired to share your own. So let’s get into the issue at hand which is me being terrified of socializing with people I don’t know.

I’m terrified of social engagement and interaction most of the time. That is mostly because I care a little too much about what other people are thinking and saying. I have spent so much of my adult life thinking that people were talking about me and judging me (thank you high school), that it took me a really long time to figure out that people don’t actually care that much. And even if they do it’s not for more than a minute or two. After that you can pretty much bet that you have become an afterthought. But I get it, it’s hard to change something you have thought about for so many years.

Even when I put myself out there and try to get better, I always struggle with thinking I will fail. I don’t think that I have anything real to offer anyone and that my thoughts and ideas aren’t super relevant. Being able to put myself out there at all is a step in the right direction though. I used to not be able to do that. So it’s really nice to know that I am improving and that the social isolation that I went through as a child didn’t mess me up too badly. These things just take time and consistency, so I have faith that someday I might be able to move on. But for now I’m still terrified and I still care too much.

I have been in consistent therapy for nine months now and one of the things that we regularly talk about is how I build and view my relationships with other people. And even though there have been significant improvements in my life, I still think I have to walk around on egg shells in all of my relationships. I hold back a lot out of fear that they might change my mind, and trust me, I know where that comes from. But it’s not healthy or ideal for me to feel like every person I know is going to lash out at me, or worse, abandon me for not being the person they want me to be. It’s just such a hard habit to break.

So over the past few months I have started to write in my journal about my fears and how I can work through them. Yes, I’m terrified because I care what other people think. Yes, I need to break out of that and try to live a normal life. Yes, I recognize that all of this is easier said than done. But writing things down and documenting my journey helps me see progress and track how far I have come. It helps me see patterns and figure out what steps I need to take next. This helps me overcome my fears a little at a time which is really helpful when trying to overcome a fear or open your heart and life to other people.

What it really boils down to here is that I have learned to work through these fears and stop caring so much about what other people might be thinking, I need to focus on myself. I need to be there for myself. Because all of the things I think people might be saying are things that I only think about because I say them to myself. So I just need to work on myself and be the best version of myself that I can be. It’s the best way to build back my confidence and self-esteem and not be so terrified of what is going on in other people’s thoughts. I need to change my own thoughts and the way I talk to myself.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoyed this. Please like it if you did. Be sure that you leave your comments and conversations in the comments below. Let’s join together if you are struggling with social anxiety or caring a bit too much about what other people are thinking about you. I would love to talk to you, hear from you, and get to know you. Be sure to come back on Wednesday where I will talking about how I deal with anger and how I channel it into something else. Don’t forget to follow before you leave if you have not already and I hope to see you next time!

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