Hey guys! Welcome back. I hope you are have had a great weekend. I am back today with another weekly recap. Today marks one year of doing these and it’s crazy to think that I have been doing them for so long. I looked back and it was the same day as well: October 11, 2019. I have loved sharing more of my personal life with you guys and letting you in on what has been going on with me. And these seem to be some of your favorite posts as well. So I am happy that I get to bring this to you every week. And with that I am going to share this week’s recap with you.
This week hasn’t really been too crazy. There wasn’t anything super exciting or dramatic happening. But one thing I did want to mention is that I am still adjusting to my new life. There are changes happening constantly and even though they are all good changes, I still have to adjust to them and try to get into a good routine. It’s been a really big challenge, but I know it will be rewarding. This past week has been full of me trying to adjust to this new chapter and adapt to all the changes in my life.
Last week I really struggled mentally and emotionally. I had days where I felt sad for absolutely no reason and I think I was just really overwhelmed by all the changes that have happened. Everything so far has been good, but that doesn’t keep it from being challenging and overwhelming at times. I know that everything that has happened has been for the best and I see the positive changes in my life, but it has forced me to reevaluate many relationships in my life.
Last week someone asked me if I am happy. That was something I thought was a seemingly simple question. And my response was what it always was which is yes I am happy. But after I left that conversation I began thinking about things and asking myself if I am really happy. To be honest I am happy with where I am now and what I have moving forward. But I’m not happy with the past and that’s the thing that keeps weighing me down. It’s a heavy burden I can’t move on from.
For many years I have struggled internally as I struggled to put on a mask that made me seem happy all the time. I thought if I looked happy on the outside that one day maybe I could convince myself that I was happy on the inside. And that did work for a while. But once college ended and I was in a place where I wasn’t really happy it became more difficult to pretend to be happy. So when I moved again and everything changed I assumed I would have to pretend to be happy again.
But that wasn’t the case. I didn’t have to pretend to be happy because I can honestly say for the first time ever I am completely happy. I can also now admit that before I wasn’t okay. I silently struggled with anxiety and depression for many years and never reached out to get the help I needed. I never had a support system that I could turn to when I was struggling. And even though I do still struggle with mental illness I know that I am not alone and that there are people who are there for me.
A few weeks ago I sat with one of my roommates and we chatted about similar experiences we have gone through. And I remember leaving that conversation realizing what a pivotal moment that was for me. I was able to come to terms with not only the fact that I have gone through things, but also that I am not the only person. I was able to connect my heart and soul to someone who had also been through some things that aren’t necessarily the same as me, but have affected them in a similar way.
I have made a lot of progress in healing and understanding that I don’t always have to be okay. I have also learned that just because I’m not always okay doesn’t mean I’m not happy. It just means that I don’t always have happy moments. But I have learned tools and resources that help me manage the anxiety and depression. I have learned what I can do to manage the thoughts and feelings that take over. But progress does not mean perfection. It doesn’t mean that the struggle is not still there.
I have had setbacks. I have been overwhelmed. I haven’t always had the best of luck when it comes to handling my emotions and feelings. Sometimes I let the hurt build up and the impact of emotions rest within me. And this has caused me to struggle with destructive behavior and self-sabotaging. So as I am adjusting to these changes and the new normal I am facing I remind myself that just because I am struggling does not mean I am failing. I remind myself to be gentle and have grace.
I won’t always get it right and I will make mistakes. But over the past two months of being here I have learned that regardless of how people have treated me in the past that I am enough. I am worthy of being happy and successful. I have learned that there are people who care about me and want to help me. I have a really strong support system and people who are helping me every step of the way. So even though I stumble sometimes, I always manage to get back up.
And those were just some of my thoughts that I had this week as I reflected on adjusting to this new normal and all the changes that have happened over the past couple of months and even before that. Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope you enjoyed this. Please like it if you did. Let us know in the comments what has been on your mind this week. Don’t forget to follow before you leave if you have not already and I hope to see you next time!
Podcast: This Blessed Mess
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